i've been thinking alot about life, our personal happiness, marriage isues, relationship issues, and a whole lot of other stuff...

and watching mummy and daddy celebrate their 38th wedding anniversary yesterday, i just can't help but wonder...

just how long can 2 people be in love with each other?

when it all begins, its all pink and rosy...
our hearts race just thinking about that special someone..
and races off the scale when that person is near...
everything he says sounds like a poem,
every move he makes enchants..
you just lose yourself,
falling into lost paradise...
the feeling so beautiful,
even the sweetest words cannot describe...
we make lifelong promises,
which even we ourselves cannot ascertain.

life is such. unpredictable, but fated? we wonder.

i've been there so many times before...
for all the times we think we've found THE ONE,
we almost always end up setting eyes on someone else along the way.
so what is this love we claim to feel?
is it no more than just a blanket of security?
knowing that someone will walk by your side..
to be able to hear someone say "i love u" and feel safe,
to have someone to lean on for awhile...
until u find someone "better" then leave?
is this the sort of love we seek?
i've questioned my conscience time and again, hoping for the answers but i'm somehow never satisfied with the replies i get.
just what is this true love that we all want to have so badly?

when will we just stop and look closely at what's in front of us?
when will we learn to appreciate? when will we stop searching for someone we think is better, just becos your partner doesn't put the cap back on the toothpaste, or doesn't make the bed?
no one is perfect. that's a fact we all must accept.
we all have our flaws, and no matter how high or low, near or far you search, you will NEVER find someone who will put a tick on every item on your perfect list.
its the way we see someone that makes them perfect.

it's all about compromise, trust, devotion.
these are the things that make a relationship whole. we must learn to be content with what we have, greed gets you nowhere, neither does lust. why else then would they be included in the 7 deadly sins?

stop searching for things you WANT but DON'T NEED.

i see that personally as the root of all evil. no, it's not the money. it's our constant yearning to have the best always.

after time, we grow tired of what we possess, we get playful, and we seek new grounds... but what do we get? the same excitement that comes with every new love, and then what happens down the road? do we repeat the same thing all over again. WHAT FOR?

so, when 2 people commit themselves to each other in marriage, do they really know what they're in for? i look at my parents and sometimes it just amuses me - that after 38 years of marriage, they still haven't learned to live with each other's (bad) habits. neither do they seem to understand each other's characters... i see it, why don't they?

take for example, daddy has a great sense of humour that he more often than not takes too far. mummy doesn't like it, cos really, sometimes it just aint the rite time to use the humour. she shows disapprovement, yet he still goes on. and trust me, it annoys me sometimes too. if we know what we do annoys our partner, do we still continue doing it? as for mummy, should she react to it? or simply brush it off? knowing that that is what daddy is like? sometimes things heat up, from a small lil joke.

is the friction worth it? cause it can definitely be avoided.

my parents, my two elder sisters, all married with kids... i've seen their good and bad times, i've been in the middle of the ups and downs. why can't a couple who's been married for 38 years see how easy it is to make the marriage that much more beautiful the way their 21 year old daughter does?

this is just a short let out of what goes through my mind.
too much for a 21 year old? i've been thinking about this since i was a kid. i remember one day when i overheard my sister crying on the phone after a fight with her husband, i felt so so troubled... i just kept writing and writing... my mum came in and saw my poem, and said to me in awe... "who taught u all this? you're so young... how would you know what it's like?"

i just wish i could remember what i wrote in it...
i lost it years ago...

life is beautiful when you're in love,

learn to stop searching and appreciate the one who holds you...

alexander iskandar zaneil, i love you.