if words are free,

should i never listen but instead see?

of all the words that have left your mouth

and chased your lips,

which ones should i believe?

pray tell me please.

it's a constant struggle, between love and hate.

the two extremes collide, and turn bright day into dark night.

The Price of Integrity
Few things have as much effect on our lives, our interactions with others, our own effect on the world, as our integrity. This virtue pervades our every action, colors us in others' eyes and is fundamental to our perspective of the world and the self. Integrity could be defined as the necessity of our ideas and actions to the greater good, but this would do the virtue little justice.

Our integrity is a culmination of our past deeds and future aspirations, defining our current character. It is a trait that cannot be 'put on' nor 'taken away'. Adopting the importance of your integrity will change every aspect of our lives, but only when we recognize the method by which we create its value. We must be willing to sacrifice everything to maintain our integrity, every personal gain, material good or individual motive for the sake and cause of our necessary role in the bigger picture. A heart cannot fail for the sake of all other organs in the body, regardless of its own weaknesses. Those weaknesses become the weaknesses of the body. We must serve our higher ideals with a non-negotiable commitment to maintain our integrity through every loss and hardship, holding our heads high and our dreams higher.

"No man can purchase his virtue too dear, for it is the only thing whose value must ever increase with the price it has cost us. Our integrity is never worth so much as when we have parted with our all to keep it."

-Charles Caleb Cotton

OH, hello

daddy bought me a webcam.

yes, and it was sitting there on the floor for days before i installed it cos i was way too busy.

i refuse to believe i just said that. sad but true.

i thought i'd be crazy hysterical and rip the box apart the minute i got home but no. i left it there for like 3 days before i even bothered to look at the box again.why jean why?

auntie yvonne has been here for over a week.

believe me, im flipping through my organiser concurrently trying to figure out what i've been so busy with the past week

the very day she arrived, we whisked her off from airport to wedding dinner. and no i'm not gonna post photos of me in that gown cos everyone thought i was the one getting married. have you ever seen a girl walking around the airport in a long satin gown? Shuutttt.up.

fast forward to the 11th of june.

i had hell lotsa fun with alex that day. tho i really only slept 3 hours before having to make my way down to city hall. wanted to run some business errands but somehow, we found ourselves in toys r us. honestly, i like that place alot. there's something about the atmosphere that just lets you lose yourself... and if you were there you'd see my point but i guess the photos we took just nail it.
and again, i'm not gonna post it here cos if he finds out. i'll probably get thrown into lockup.

and he finally got his ralph lauren specs. i spent like 3 days calling and emailing loads of people to find it. i would like to believe its the last piece (in singapore at least) the feeling of accomplishment. i so love challenges :)

this is random but i have finally given in to his constant "nagging" recently, and have finally picked a date for my basic theory test. alex, watch me. one day i will drive you and i will not scream and let go of the steering wheel before i crash, cos i won't crash!

okay back to the 13th.

we had lunch at macdonalds. and i was starving i swear i could eat a cow.
and well. subjected to stares aplently, god only knows why cos we never figure that out... we had lots and lots of food. seriously felt like a lazy sunday afternoon to me tho it was really midweek.

we were really supposed to go home and watch movies but i dunnoe what we ended up doing.
oh oh oh! he was enjoying the osim massage chair. and he's hooked.when my parents came home we were "watching" love actually. and thanks to my luck, my dad saw the fully uncensored scene in the show where they were filming some.. sex scene.. UGH.. oh well.

ordered pizza for dinnnnner! yummyumyummm.

anyway, day after we had lunch with my dad's eldest sister at the grassroots club in yck. she's really getting on in age... i guess everyone is. and it really scares me thinking about it. and then the day after that we had another party at my place... they catered. i didn't know half the people. i mean i know they're related to me somehow but i never spoke to them. didn't see the need to really. not that i'm anti-social or anti-family. somehow i just wasn't in a very chatty mood and spent the rest of the evening sitting on the swing. occassionally entertaining my 5th aunt's questions. oh well.

now my eldest sister, brother in law, and the 2 kids are down with food poisoning. i think imma be sick too at the rate i'm going... so im gonna hit the sack! lots to do in the morning... laters!

// because when the sun shines, we'll shine together. told you i'll be here forever, said i'll always be your friend; took an oath imma stick it out till the end. now that it's raining more than ever, know that we'll still have each other. you can stand under my umbrella; you can stand under my umbrella..

remember the 7th;

of feelings so intense.

my sister and the kids came over for a, well... durian "party"

in the end i only had 2 seeds cos all the while i was stuck at the computer with bryan

ooh-ing and aah-ing over the lambos. now he likes the gallardo superleggera...

and benji was bombarding me with questions...

"where is alex now? ... why is he working so late? ... if i want to call him is it 999?"

now i think benji is aspiring to be a police officer just like him.

he's just so full of admiration.

i swear the kids are in love with him.

tori got shy and ran off when she heard his voice on the phone...

benji started whispering and giggling i don't know what the hell they talk about...

the only one who talked to him properly was bryan...

alex, what on earth did you do to my nephews and god daughter!

hahah, it's quite surprising, really.

the boys don't usually take to people they've only met once so well.

anyhoos!

HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL.

tori's 3... she's such a doll.

i love you sweetheart! yesyes godma loves you to bits :)

...do you remember how it felt? cause i sure do..

bangs or no bangs? jeanine is 22.
it's been the most exhausting, yet enjoyable week ever. really.
probably the most birthday celebrations over a span of 9 days...
i don't even know where to start!

SATURDAY 26TH MAY

we had a bbq at aloha loyang, for vel's 21st birthday.
happy happy birthday sweetie! was great; old friends, catching up. ah those old days at ritz..

gonna skip the photos for now. WAY TOO MANY!

MONDAY 28TH MAY

on my birthday we had dinner at, yes, where else but greenhouse. 3rd year in a row! hahah
yummy oysters, & lotsa crabs! hawhaw. i love. thanks aloyson, captain in charge. lol

strawberry shortcake. my lovelies at ritz. just us three

SATURDAY 2ND JUNE

took this when we went home to get juice. lol

we had a bbq at my place to celebrate my belated birthday and tori's upcoming 3rd birthday!
in attendance : family, alex, aaron, mich, jones + pris, gerard, aloyson, idah, vel...
did i miss anyone? thanks all of you for being there :)

lol sooo much food.. oh well... i felt kinda bad cos when alex took on all the cooking, he refused to eat... mummy was trying to "force feed" him but.. stubborn as a mule.
i think the kids like alex... when i went to get him tori came with me, and she ran all the way to the side gate... when she saw him i told her to say hello, she did, with the sweetest doll face ever... after which she refused to utter another word... see what he does to girls? even 3 year olds?!?? goodness. but the boys sure like hangin' around him and putting out his fire... not exactly a good thing but hey, kids will be kids aye?

photos photos!

SUNDAY 5TH JUNE
i never knew mummy and daddy were so... well to put it simply, - "cool". cos after mass and dinner at peach garden they drove me to the station to pass alex his supper from BK. i told them i could go by myself but they insisted on driving me there. and waiting for me so we could go home cos it was late... they didn't want me wandering around alone.

so i got him french chicken. a favourite shared by both of us.
but i didn't even get to take a bite of it cos he had to go back in..
i had a terrible shock when i stood outside the gate and all 3 police officers stood up to stare. so i took off in the other direction to wait. now why does it sound as if i was creeping around?
i wasnt!
well, thanks mum and dad for being so OUTSPOKEN. goodness. i thought i was gonna die.

MONDAY 4TH JUNE
had to meet "fat guy" to carry out a "transaction"...
but thanks to alex's very "clever" guess, this fat guy wasn't even a guy to begin with...
hen i called, i was shocked to hear a girl's voice i couldnt stop laughing to myself i swear...
"HE" turned out to be a BUNG.

anyway anyway fast forward all that, the best time i had was the bbq! yes yes the 2nd bbq in 3 days... cos we didn't finish all the food on saturday, and alex didn't really get to enjoy the food... we decided to book a pit and finish all the food! hahah

i've always wanted to know how it feels to have a 2-people-only bbq, now i know!!!

thanks 'yang.. the night was AWESOME. Its HELL FUN i tell you. no disturbances, no kids around, no parents spying... cos my parents really don't bother spying. hahha they even prepared everything for us! nice huh! can your parents beat mine? i doubt. lol

i wanna do it again! :)

okay im gonna stop here for now before i fall asleep.

i'm gonna give you a heart attack.

scandalous thrills, spine-tingling chills, you're a mind-blowing pill.