good day,

bad day.

it's up to you...

last night,

or rather this morning when i went to bed @ 5am in the morning,

i told myself that today would be a great day.

seems like i need more focusing power..

cos i failed miserably.

had intentions to bring tori to school

cos she has to dress up as a lil princess,

but i was just too damn tired to get my ass outta bed,

even at 120pm.

last night was one of melodrama,

somehow i just feel so overwhelmed by this whole incident,

who'd have thought one lil act of goodwill would spin into a whole web of lies and deception?

i didn't.but that's just what it is.

and once its settled, i want nothing more to do with it.EVER.

please just go away..

and tmw better be a better day.

i hate the feeling of being neglected.

even if its just myself feeling that way.

make all this stop..

baby, if only you knew.

" trip and fall for me... "

meet John Kanary.

Life Success Coach from canada

& author of the international best selling book,

Breaking Through Limitations.

when we got back to the hotel, John said to me,

"remember your life will change from now on.

whatever you do, always trust & follow your heart.

everything is deep in your heart.

be true to yourself.

you have a great energy & aura about you.."

he's like a second daddy to me when he comes to singapore.

taking a photo of a photo on another cam with my cam.

we had supper @ killiney kopitiam. =]

hey! my first time there okae!

shh! tsk. after 21 years in singapore,

i finally know where the famous killiney kopitiam is... LOL. nonsense.

but it was nice!

and i had that omelette noodle from PS for dinner.

super duper un-glam dinner...

went to MUSTAFA CENTRE after dropping john off at the hotel

now im so so bummed.

supposed to bring tori to school later..

she has to dress up, and i bought her a princess costume.

if im not too tired that is.. rahhhh...

9am seminar on thursday.. someone kill me please...

i miss you alex. and it's only tuesday.. dammit.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN darlings...

("l)

trick or treat?

stupid time with you makes me happy. =]

jeanine loves stupid time! haha.

woke up bright & early to bake brownies...

for who else... *laughs.

almost fell asleep waiting for the brownies to set up..

they're addictive la. im gonna get fatttt.

so much chocolate.. its hershey's fyi. plus BAILEYS.

dear i hope you like it okae!

im not a very good baker but i try. =P

finally got my iPod earpiece changed...

i call the place APPLE HOSPITAL. this is why!

alex calls it the iPod club...
cos u have to own an iPod to be there rite darling?

im itching to get iPod photo... how how how...

i want my new phone also.

dats it no D & G for me... i'll settle for the MOTOROLA V3X.

hawhawww..

in fact i can get it now for like $198 (i think) wif mummy's phone line

why wait till year end to get it for $18?

hmm.

anyway dinner was funnn!

scrapped satay club for good ol' bk.

the french chicken sandwhich rawwwksss! yummmm. =]

but it was sooo huge i had trouble finishing. haha!

and today we found out that sembawang shopping centre is just a short walk from my house!!! and we took a cab?!?!?

dear, next time, we'll just WALK. okaeee..?

i love u silly.

SMACKS u! heh.

love love.

my latest work on twd.

its a set i did for a 16 year old's year end prom...

damn it makes me feel like a princess.

sweetie i hope u shine like a princess at prom... =]

anyways, selamat hari raya puasa!

not that it makes very much of a difference to me... haha.

i shan't start. =x

dat boy has been so busy, i haven't seen him for a week already..

busy busy bee.

so i hafta keep myself busy...

out pops the camwhore... LOL.

ah well... for good reasons though. =]

its been 2 months since i got this sms...

"wanna go clubbing this saturday? alex."

do you believe in FATE? i do.

he calls it EFFORT.

whatever it is, i love you!

Ich liebe dich mein schatz.

Du machst mich so glücklich!

-küssenküssen-

Vermisse dich! Kein großesGeheimniswie sehr ichdich liebe!

hawhaw.

i can't wait for the weekend darling.

miss you truckloads.

BIG trucks. =]

Ohne dich kann ich nicht leben.

5 good reasons why you should get a tan...

[by jeanine]

1. you make yellow look extra good.

2. green looks good too.

3. u barely need makeup...

(but more bronzer won't hurt.)

4. you can tell people you just came back from a trip to the maldives with your boyfriend & they'll believe you.

(just get him to get a tan too! its fun!)

5. because the boyfriend asked you to. haha!

the weekend is over. AGAIN!

happy working/schooling/mugging ya'll...

my weekends last forever. laughs.

okae that was evil. i'm sorry! hehee..

i wish i had kids. like really...

it's so much more fun when we're younger.

when kids and parents are friends...

the world would be perfect. =]

and if only all kids were like tori...

the sweetest doll on earth. heh...

one item on the wishlist down.

i got my vera wang princess fragrance! =]

yea now i'm a happy princess.

not too happy cos alex is gonna be busy all weekend...

but, it's okae.i'm good.

it's all part & parcel of life.

so, just smile & be happy!

thats what alex always tells me.

okaes, now i'll tell last night's crappy story.

i was at the dbs seminar with my sister,

when we were loading the stuff into the car, john was already in the front seat.when i opened the back door i thought i heard him talking to someone on the phone, i looked at him, he wasnt.

so i just got in and didn't say anything... i should have..

becos, when we drove off,he suddenly realised he had left his handphone behind.

get the picture?

i always have all these "visions" or in this case, "voices" telling me things..but being the dumb me i almost always fail to make any sense of it until the incident takes place. gifted, blessed, being able to sense future happenings, yet not say anything...

why jeanine why??

can't you be smarter and be more enthusiastic in acting on such instincts.

and alex didn't have to tell me he wont have time for me this weekend.

i already envisaged it days ago...

at least i prepared myself mentally for the "long weekend" without his company.very much missed though.

anyway anyway,singapore can't possibly get any smaller...today i met up with babelyn, i shall skip the whole damn long story but yea things do happen for a reason. im sure.who would have thought that the babelyn who was coincidentally helping me to solve the (josh/ravin/rikel) mystery would turn out to be the babelyn i knew from ritz carlton? goodness gracious me... for that hour i she was sitting in front of me talking about financial advice i couldnt figure out why she looked so damn familiar. uggghhhhhh. i was wrecking my brains but i still couldn't link her to ritz until she mentioned it. and then we burst out laughing like 2 silly cows.

but it was great seeing her again. ahh familiar faces are always comforting. =]

haiya dear, what am i gonna do the whole weekend without you?

bleah. this is so demoralising... weekend please fly past. and the following week too. i just wanna be with you..

our love, it runs deeper than the deepest ocean, it's a love no one else would comprehend... oh if they could only see the beauty of this fairytale, it seems so surreal but yet IS real. you're the one of which for years i never spoke, the one that resided so silently deep in my heart. the lil part of me that was always there to comfort & console... and now that lil part of me has evolved so much, and made me whole.

it's amazing, i can't describe it.

baby, you're the Eighth Wonder of the World.

bored at the seminar...

still not in the mood for the story...

crappy thursday.

so crappy i can't even talk about it now.

its not even the whole day that was crappy. just the very end of it.

bleah. maybe tmw i'll be in a better mood to tell the story.

so i start reading our chatlogs from 2004 all over again...

never fails to make me deliriously happy...

"I remember the very first day that I saw you,

I could not believe I was looking at a human being.

I pinched myself the hardest one could ever do

so as to wake myself up from the drunken stupor I was in.

cos u were angel - like..."

darling i love you very much,

don't ever forget.

=]

it's just an illusion.

jeanine's midweek gibberish.

when we let our fears control the way we feel,

we tend to block out alot of good things in life just waiting to happen.

when we let our past heartbreaks control the way we love now,

we are depriving our relationships of the opportunity to grow deeper.

we don't realise this often,

but our fears are the most powerful controllers of:

-how we look at life,

what we think about life,

and how we live our life.

when living in the present,

let go of past hurts and bad memories,

cos they'll only act as obstacles.

love like you've never been hurt,

and dance like there's no one watching.

believe that people change, cos change is inevitable.

only growth is optional. & it's up to us.

learn also not to assume,

assumptions are the root of false conclusions.

they throw us into an unneccesary state of worry, panic & confusion.

& more often than not, things aren't as bad as we think or assume to be.

there's a reason why things happen,

& there is an explanation for everything that doesn't go according to plan.

if you must, run through a list of POSSIBILITIES.

but, do not draw conclusions.

there are things we cannot see, but must believe in.

we have in ourselves a great power,

and that is the power of the human mind. WILL.

when we are caught in a rut, we panic,

we start thinking about all things negative.

where then do all our senses go?

we lose ourselves, and give in to weakness.

and then we just accept our dissatisfactory lives. but why?

when things go wrong,

it doesn't help to lose your head.

instead, work your way around it. ask yourself why it happened,

and what you can do to salvage the situation.

think smart, don't give in.

if you think a situation is going to end badly,

IT WILL.

decide how you want things to turn out,

how u want your life to be like,

& although we cannot yet touch what we imagine,

we must believe in it eventually materialising,

and begin to work towards it.

life will be good if you will it to be.

love,

jean.

on my wish list. it better hit the stores soon..

alex likes this dress. haha. its greeeen!

like the dunks rite dear?

passing out today! hopefully no one really passes out. =l

anyway, its midweek...

i can't wait for another weekend.

time seems to be flying like nobody's business..

why can't it slow down when i'm out with u? it just passes even faster!

gotta go to esplanade soon for the perfume party at aria.ha.

can't get enough of you darling..

the latest addition to twd.
see the rest at...

http://theweekenddesigner.blogspot.com

love,

jean.

POP! that booty.

POP! that cherry.

what others can you think of?

hahah!

it's Passing Out Parade la!

*shakes head*

hawhawwww.. i made that for alex cos he's passing out tomorrow... yayyyy!

does it look printed? cos its actually all cut outs from black cards!

heh. i'm back to my crafty days... welcome back inspiration... =]

rahhhh! the weekend is over!

boooo.

typical sunday... church, lunch, shopping, home.

and alex is back in camp.

double boo.

dis is me being stupid. love the toussled hair though. =]

me in my (sister's) baju kurong.

damn i want a sari too.. any sponsors? hahha!

my new satchel from GUESS.

ESTEE LAUDER PERFUME PARTY on wednesday!

can't wait for tomorrow... hawhaw... *grins*

you always complete my day..

at home.

dinner at rocky master!

lovin' my "little boy". =]

* * *

okae... so the jumbo sausages aren't THAT jumbo. i've seen bigger. really! =P

i could have drawn it nicer... but baby came back too fast!

thank you for the evening darling... perfect as usual... i wanna go window shoppin again! can't wait to see you again later! muacksssssss!

love u muchhhh! =]

ps: i found the cartoon dear!!! lol.

i've been thinking alot about life, our personal happiness, marriage isues, relationship issues, and a whole lot of other stuff...

and watching mummy and daddy celebrate their 38th wedding anniversary yesterday, i just can't help but wonder...

just how long can 2 people be in love with each other?

when it all begins, its all pink and rosy...
our hearts race just thinking about that special someone..
and races off the scale when that person is near...
everything he says sounds like a poem,
every move he makes enchants..
you just lose yourself,
falling into lost paradise...
the feeling so beautiful,
even the sweetest words cannot describe...
we make lifelong promises,
which even we ourselves cannot ascertain.

life is such. unpredictable, but fated? we wonder.

i've been there so many times before...
for all the times we think we've found THE ONE,
we almost always end up setting eyes on someone else along the way.
so what is this love we claim to feel?
is it no more than just a blanket of security?
knowing that someone will walk by your side..
to be able to hear someone say "i love u" and feel safe,
to have someone to lean on for awhile...
until u find someone "better" then leave?
is this the sort of love we seek?
i've questioned my conscience time and again, hoping for the answers but i'm somehow never satisfied with the replies i get.
just what is this true love that we all want to have so badly?

when will we just stop and look closely at what's in front of us?
when will we learn to appreciate? when will we stop searching for someone we think is better, just becos your partner doesn't put the cap back on the toothpaste, or doesn't make the bed?
no one is perfect. that's a fact we all must accept.
we all have our flaws, and no matter how high or low, near or far you search, you will NEVER find someone who will put a tick on every item on your perfect list.
its the way we see someone that makes them perfect.

it's all about compromise, trust, devotion.
these are the things that make a relationship whole. we must learn to be content with what we have, greed gets you nowhere, neither does lust. why else then would they be included in the 7 deadly sins?

stop searching for things you WANT but DON'T NEED.

i see that personally as the root of all evil. no, it's not the money. it's our constant yearning to have the best always.

after time, we grow tired of what we possess, we get playful, and we seek new grounds... but what do we get? the same excitement that comes with every new love, and then what happens down the road? do we repeat the same thing all over again. WHAT FOR?

so, when 2 people commit themselves to each other in marriage, do they really know what they're in for? i look at my parents and sometimes it just amuses me - that after 38 years of marriage, they still haven't learned to live with each other's (bad) habits. neither do they seem to understand each other's characters... i see it, why don't they?

take for example, daddy has a great sense of humour that he more often than not takes too far. mummy doesn't like it, cos really, sometimes it just aint the rite time to use the humour. she shows disapprovement, yet he still goes on. and trust me, it annoys me sometimes too. if we know what we do annoys our partner, do we still continue doing it? as for mummy, should she react to it? or simply brush it off? knowing that that is what daddy is like? sometimes things heat up, from a small lil joke.

is the friction worth it? cause it can definitely be avoided.

my parents, my two elder sisters, all married with kids... i've seen their good and bad times, i've been in the middle of the ups and downs. why can't a couple who's been married for 38 years see how easy it is to make the marriage that much more beautiful the way their 21 year old daughter does?

this is just a short let out of what goes through my mind.
too much for a 21 year old? i've been thinking about this since i was a kid. i remember one day when i overheard my sister crying on the phone after a fight with her husband, i felt so so troubled... i just kept writing and writing... my mum came in and saw my poem, and said to me in awe... "who taught u all this? you're so young... how would you know what it's like?"

i just wish i could remember what i wrote in it...
i lost it years ago...

life is beautiful when you're in love,

learn to stop searching and appreciate the one who holds you...

alexander iskandar zaneil, i love you.

happy anniversary mummy & daddy!

heh, dental yesterday was aye okae.

but i just hate the long waits...

why can't they keep to appointment times?

so i ended up havin a very early lunch at bk...

lunch part 2 @ fish and co.

gerard came over to meet me to get the bols lychee...

and he ended up lunchin with us..

then in the evening we had dinner at plaza market cafe.

buffets make you fat.

u eat so much more than u really should.

its bad. =

after dinner @ plaza market cafe... raffles the plaza...

anyway! i did this new blog skin dis morning... haha. sheer boredom. thank god it's friday! hurry baby book out!!!

dental tmw...
will i be able to chew after?

had dinner at IVINS earlier with the family...
xiao yi's birthday so i gave her this handphone charm i made...
thats the thing with being a designer...
almost every gift that goes out is made by me.
(baby i know i buy alot of yours.. you're a guy. its diff. hahaa)
hope she likes it though..

anyway tmw is mummy & daddy's 38th wedding anniversary.
i really wish they would just go for dinner on their own,
but i'm gettin dragged along as usual.
sigh. light bulb light bulb!
i'm 21... i don't need to be babysitted 24/7.
*pouts*
but i made this for them!
i painted it myself.. took me like over 2 hours...

someone gimme a score...

...i'm missin' u. like the deserts miss the rain...you're a part of me, that i cannot do without...

if you expect me to be perfect,

i'll tell you i am not.

cos the fact is such, no one is.

i am one who refuses to live life hiding behind a mask of flawless perfection.

and while people may deem me as ideal,

tell me really, what is?

there's alot more to me than what you see,

but how many people actually see through me?

there's much more substance in a person than just a face..

oh yes, i appreciate life & what it has to offer alot more than what you think,

no, i don't look at what's on the surface;

i look way below it.

right down to the secrets that you try to conceal..

and there, lurking in the darkness in all sincerity and truth,

i'll find a soul that's bare, stripped naked of its facade and exposed.

why, we build walls just to conceal our imperfect lives..

why do we grow afraid of who we really are?

why do we shun our innerselves?

do you know yourself?

and because we build these walls,

nothing is ever clear...

what you see isn't always what you get...

& what you get, may not always be what you see...

can you accept what you do not see?

love me for me.

what a week so far.

its only tuesday i'm already drowning...

my body systems been weird lately,

no matter how late i sleep,

i don't seem to be wakin up naturally any later than 10...

or 930 to be precise...

is that what 3 weeks in australia does to you? hmm..

spent the whole of today clearing orders,

thinkin of new designs,

new orders,

and at the same time,

worrying and wondering if baby's okae.

sigh..

i've watched 50 first dates countless times,

and it gets me everytime... even now...

it's xiao yi's birthday tmw, dinner with the family...

parent's anni on thursday, dinner with them...

damn why do i have to be the lightbulb... huh huh huh? =(

& i haf dental in the morning, i don't even know if i'll be able to chew?

tskk.

well at least i'm fully rested from saturday's cycling... haha!

dats actually pretty fast eh? *grins.

anyway! i turned down the job offer...

i can't bring myself to work in such an environment, with that kinda job... so there.

made dis today.. =]

baby you better recover very soon...

next week is POP!

you're all i'll ever need.

im back from biking with my dearest darling..
im so tired! butt hurts,
my legs feel "jelli-fied".
just goes to show how much ive been exercising.
never! hahah!
well, i'll let the photos speak for themselves...

i'll sum up the day in 1 word...
PERFECT.

baby, remember i told you,
nothing in this world is perfect?
well, that's a fact we can never change..
but you know what?
there is one person who makes my life perfect,
that one person is you...
i'm now more than convinced,

nothing, & no one will ever come between us...

he's more engrossed in cleo than taking photos with me!

don't look at me... wasn't my idea! =l

"...your life is mine.. and we will make it last..."

indeed dear, we will.

thank you... for being the light in my life when it was all so dark... thank you baby, for loving me for me... =]

i don't want riches,

i don't want pearls...

i don't want big diamonds

& i don't want no gold..

all i want is to be loved,

all i want is a heart that's real..

i don't want the stars from the sky,

cos i can see them in your eyes.

& i don't want any of fortune & fame,

cos you already make me feel like a princess.

and that's all i wanna be.

i don't want to dine in fancy places,

i'd be happy just pulling silly faces..

you never have to take me far,

cos in your arms is the only place i wanna be..

& it don't matter how near or far apart,

cos darling, you're always right here in my heart.

and even when our schedules are oh so tight,

we'll make the very little time we spend together;

the best time of our lives.

updates updates!

life's been good to me since my return from down under...
time flies, its been 5 days since my return to sunny singapore...

2nd october
lunch with the family, steph, tori...
tori's grown so lovely, she's sucha doll right baby? heh.
ohohoh, and we went to see the monkeys!

then supper with marcus at night.
aye i drove his car! (in PARKED gear. lol)

... in between, did some room revamping.. not too bad...

5th october
i got my hair cut!
baby's been askin me to get it cut so i did...
the result? dear loves it.. and thats all that matters. =]

dinner at long bar steakhouse with the family again.. the food aint to die for, but the prices will kill you.. LOL. at least i got my petty cash cheque.. yay, my moolahs are growing again. depleted in aussie. haha!

6th october

job interview for GRO @ RENAULT/VOLVO. hey, i got the offer.. time to make some serious career decisions.. my jewellery business is picking up, i can't seem to put it down! oh someone please gimme a sign..

DRINKS.went to cityhall to meet angel to pass her the baileys.. and vel popped by too! hah so what do 3 girls do when they get together? to introbar they go! drinks away! no laaaa.. only had one... THE AFTER EIGHT. good old baileys and kahlua... but the creme de menthe thinned the whole thing a tad bit too much. =

anyway!

mooncake festival! steph came over with the kids..

tori & me

benji, bryan & me.

steph & me...

okae.. bedtime. yay we're goin for a fun time later! baby, you always know the way to my heart...

Slow Dance

This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl

in a New York Hospital.

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day

On the fly?

When you ask How are you?

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say,"Hi"

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift;

Thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.